Sponge status (SS). Spongedate: Wednesday, March 9, 2011.

Number of rotation sponges: 2

Regarding Sponge 1
Sponge Condition: Fair
Sponge Applications: Dishes

Regarding Sponge 2
Sponge Condition: Questionable

Sponge Applications: Pots, Counters, Sink


Regarding Sponge 3
N/A

Sponge Battel (SB). SB #62881-3. Sponge vs. Megatherium.

First competitor: Sponge

Height: 3'

Weight: 12 pounds.

Second competitor: Giant Sloth

Height: 20'

Weight: 16,000 pounds.

Sometimes the coin-flips just don't fall your way. Our champ the sea sponge had a tough day out there against the giant ground sloth. The fight promoters really sold us this idea that the Battel should be held on dry ground. So before it even got underway, the sponge was dry, brittle, and possibly already deceased. In the first round, the giant sloth didn't take much interest in the Sponge, just wandering around the ring, nibbling -- as herbivores do  -- on grasses and shrubs. 

In the corner after the first round, we were cautiously optimistic that we could get out of there with a draw. But then came the flies. A giant swarm of biting flies descended on the arid ring, roused by the crowds, or the noise, or the smell of a massive, sweating giant sloth. And they gave the sloth an itch. And the sloth scratched that itch. For the entire second round. On the sponge. All eight tons of it, rolling on its armored back, over and over again, with dust and Sponge Bits flying up in the air. To and fro. Hither and yon. We threw in the towel, but it was too late. The Once Mighty Sponge had been pulverized to a fine dust by our ... new Sponge Battel (SB) champion, the Megatherium.

Winner: Sloth. 2nd round. TKO.

Oh my stars and garters whatever that means, it's a 3M Scotch-Brite 425 Heavy Duty Scrub Sponge, 1-Pack for $3.19!

I thought it was gonna be a regular day, people, until this little wonder came into my life. I hope you haven’t used all your sick time this year, because YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WORK TOMORROW!

From the Manufacturer

#1 selling scrub sponge in America. The Heavy Duty Scrub Sponge is designed to provide fast cleanups of tough jobs - removes tough, baked-on-messes 50% faster than competitive heavy duty scrub sponges. A versatile choice for heavy work both indoors or outdoors.

Product Description

1 side cleans and scrubs, other side sponges dirt away. No. 425: Cleans cookware, stove tops and all surfaces...

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Sponge Battel (SB). SB #5481. Sponge vs. Coral.

First competitor: Sponge

Height: 3'

Weight: 12 pounds.

Second competitor: Coral

Height: 2' 6"

Weight: 58 pounds.

On paper, these foes seem pretty evenly-matched. Similar environments, similar heights, a similar lack of known sentience. For the first 300,000 rounds, we saw a lot of feeling out. A lot of sizing up. Some swaying on the part of the Sponge. Some very slow growth on the part of the scratchy, pokey Coral. But then we started to see Sponge's spongey plan unfold when the fearsome battelsponge arranged for the level of nutrients and, particularly, the level of algae to rise in the water ever so slightly. When Coral figured out the strategy, IT WAS FAR TOO LATE TO STOP THE SPONGE. Eutrophication was already tightening its grip around the spiny, rocky coral's metaphorical throat. Coral does not have a throat but coral is, oddly, insanely sensitive to nutrient levels in its substrate. 

Winner: Sponge.

Sponge status (SS). Spongedate: October 11, 2010. Monday.

Number of rotation sponges: 1

Regarding Sponge 1
Sponge Condition: Strange
Sponge Applications: Dishes, Pots, Counters

Regarding Sponge 2
N/A

Regarding Sponge 3
N/A

Sponge Tunes

After a nationwide search, we have chosen our house band. I give you Sponge the band. Paramore, you were (holds fingers up not very far apart) this close. You were right there. But Sponge really went the extra mile and named their band the thing that we're talking about.

Sponge status (SS). Spongedate: October 4, 2010. Monday.

Number of rotation sponges: 1

Regarding Sponge 1

Sponge Condition: Poor

Sponge Applications: Dishes, Pots, Counters

Regarding Sponge 2

N/A

Regarding Sponge 3

N/A